Author: Simon James Green
Rating: 2/5
Fifteen-year-old Noah Grimes has the worst luck in the world. His mother embarrasses him, his gran isn’t the same, his father is missing and he can’t seem to get his feelings in order.
Spoilers ahead.
Detailed Summary
The book starts with Noah in PE class making a fool of himself. He is further embarrassed when Jess Jackson finds posters of his mother advertising a Beyonce routine. His best friend Harry rescues him from the top of the climbing course thing. Noah has a crush on Sophie and she volunteers to work with him on an assignment. They walk to his house together. Noah is embarrassed by the state of his house and nervous about Sophie. She invites him to Melissa’s party and Noah asks if Harry can come too. At the party, Noah gets very drunk and is told Harry is in one of the bedrooms, destroying a Barbie castle. He confronts Harry who confesses his feelings for Noah and kisses him. Noah is horrified and things become awkward. Eric, one of his classmates, taped the bedroom too and blackmails Noah. Noah learns that his mother has been hiding letters from his father and cash. He writes a letter to his father whom he thinks is a successful businessman in Spain. He consults his gran’s opinion but she has dementia so things aren’t the same. Noah gets the tape off Eric who disappears. Harry is furious with Noah for buying it and stops talking to him. Noah finds Jess on the street. She takes him home and tries to sleep with him but he refuses. Her boyfriend dumped her a few days back. Sophie moves to another part of the country. Noah’s father comes back and turns out he just needs money. Connor and Harry start dating. Noah is accused of being Jess’ child’s father (she’s pregnant). He also learns that he has a step-sibling in his class who turns out to be Eric. Gran goes missing from the nursing home. Noah’s mother is seeing Josh, a student at Noah’s school (held back a year), whom Noah eventually figures out is the father of Jess’ child.
Noah goes to Sophie’s house and she lets him kiss her. He realises he’s not attracted to her. The police come to Sophie’s door. Eric and Gran both were found in a traffic incident. They go to the hospital. Harry finds Noah and explains he still has feelings. Noah confesses the same and they kiss. Noah’s father is bankrupt and owes a lot of money to people so he’s arrested BUT he asks Noah’s mother if they can renew their marriage vows so now, they’ll be a kind of family again. Noah is not happy about that but loves Harry.
Plot and Pacing
There were several times where I felt like DNFing this book. I didn’t for two reasons: 1) Harry is such a pure character and 2) I could relate to how nerdy and weird Noah was. When Harry finally kissed Noah at the party, well, that was meant to be a pivotal part of the story. However, I felt cheated. Almost nothing about the rest of the book properly addressed Noah’s confused feelings and hormones. Sure, there were snippets here and there of how he missed Harry’s company and questioned what it meant to be gay. But I felt Green invested more time into the side-stories with Gran and Eric which was disappointing.
Noah Can’t Even aims to show readers that it’s okay not to be caught up in the latest trends and that there really is no “correct” way that any stage of your life should go. My school years didn’t resemble any of the YA novels I had read or films/TV shows I had watched one bit. There were times where I’d think, “Am I doing this wrong? Should I be hounding after boys and spending less time watching Star Trek/Gilmore Girls with my mother?” But unlike Noah, I’d just think, screw it, socialising gives me headaches anyway.
I was glad that Noah finally came to terms with his identity as a gay person. There’s also one scene where he’s looking at a gay magazine or something where everyone has rockhard abs and amazing outfits. He questions whether that is the right way to be gay. But again, there’s no right way to exist! Which is relieving because I’m sure I, along with a handful of others, would definitely have gotten it wrong. 🙂
Characters
Noah was funny but there were times when I felt his innocence was greatly exaggerated. Harry really became a cool character later in the book. At the start, there’s a lot of awkward dialogue between the two about sex and weird innuendos they use. I wasn’t a fan of that. Then midway through the book, Harry completely changes and become this almost-mature person. Not that I’m complaining–I preferred the mature person–but I didn’t like how his personality was inconsistent.
Eric’s storyline was borderline concerning. I’m pretty sure you’re not allowed to film things like that so I’m surprised he didn’t get caught. Noah’s parents both sucked and I hugged my mother extra tight after I finished this book. Josh and the mother having a relationship was something I totally didn’t see coming. I guess it fits with the mother’s personality but ugh, it’s so gross!
None of the other characters really stood out. Sophie was alright but she’s phased out almost immediately only to come back at the end.
Writing Style
have no idea why but the writing just didn’t do it for me. There were some funny parts but nothing so hilarious that I was full-on guffawing. Also, Green is a British author and this story takes place in a little British town. So I don’t know why I found all the British slang so jarring. I guess I’m more used to American slang. There’s a sequel so I figured I might as well see what that’s all about.
Earnestly Eccentric 